Tales from the Edge of the Earth: "My Little *enis"

 

By Grant McGee

  Just today as I was working in the kitchen I had a brilliant idea.

  Well, I thought it was a brilliant idea.

  I tromped from the kitchen into the living room.

  “I have a brilliant idea!” I announced to The Lady of the House.

  “Oh?” she said, looking over the top of her glasses.  She was in her recliner with her newspaper.  “Do tell.”

  “We will make millions off a gag gift called ‘My Little Penis.’”

  The Lady of the House stared at me over the top of her glasses as she lowered her paper.

  And didn’t say a word.

  “You know, it’s this is a gag gift called…”

  “I heard what you’ll call it,” she said.

  “People who work in cubicles will scarf them up and they’ll sit on their shelves and co-workers will walk by and say, ‘Why, what is that?’  And the guy with ‘My Little Penis’ will say, ‘Why that’s ‘My Little Penis’’ and there will be jovial laughter in the corporate workplace!”

  “Jovial laughter,” said The Lady of the House.

  “And people will buy these by the millions and we’ll just get checks in the mail all the time.”

  “What color will it be?” asked The Lady of the House.

  “Pink,” I said.

  “Sounds like you’re pandering to just white people.”

  “Oh, well, then there’d be other colors.”

  The Lady of the House held up her hand to signify the end of the talk…my end anyway.

  “I think this is a really bad idea,” she said.  “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

  “Well I mean there was ‘Pope on a Rope,’ the soap on a rope shaped like Pope John Paul…”

  “Just go back to your drawing board, dear,” said The Lady of the House as she went back to reading her paper.  “Besides, nobody wants a little penis.”

                                                                                -30-