Appalachian Tales: Songs of The Confederacy

Photo of the set of LPs issued by Columbia Records circa 1960 marking the centennial of the USA's War Between the States aka "The Civil War."  My dad had a set.  Of course he did.

By Grant McGee

                “So what book takes its title from the second line of ‘The Battle Hymn of the Republic’?”

                The Lady of the House caught me off-guard as I walked into the kitchen.

                “Wha…” I barely spoke.

                “It’s a question on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire,’” she said, looking up from washing dishes.  “I can’t remember the choices.”

                So I stared out the kitchen window and called up the old words.

                “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of The Lord,” I sang loudly, “He is trampling out the vintage… ‘Grapes of Wrath.’  John Steinbeck, ‘The Grapes of Wrath.’”

                “Wow,” said The Lady of the House.  “You’re good.  Guy on TV couldn’t get it even with the answers in front of him.”

                “I can thank my 5^th grade music teacher in Roanoke, Virginia,” I said.  “We had a couple of days of lessons on the songs of The War Between the States.”

                “The Civil War,” she corrected.

                “Warn’t nothin’ ‘civil’ about it,” I said.

                She stopped washing dishes and looked at me over the top of her glasses.

                “Look, Mr. Virginia History, in this house it’s The Civil War,” she said.

                Virginia History:  It’s something I picked up from growing up and going to school in the Old Dominion and my father’s frequent comments about his home state.  His pontifications left me with the impression that Virginia was the cradle of Western Civilization or, at the very least, the state that gave everyone else in The American Colonies the idea to form the United States of America.

                “Anyway,” I said, “She taught us all the songs of The Confederacy.”

                “Oh my,” said The Lady of the House.  “That wouldn’t be happening today.”

                I put my hand to my chest and another ancient song reverberated off the kitchen tiles.

                “And here’s to brave Virginia, The Old Dominion State,

                With the young Confederacy, at length has linked her fate.

                Impelled by her example, Now other states prepar’,

                To hoist high The Bonnie Blue Flag that bears the single star”

                “What’s that?” asked The Lady of the House.

                “’The Bonnie Blue Flag,’” I said.  “Not many folks know it but that was, like, the first flag of The Confederacy.

                “If I give you more than two things to get at the grocery store you need to write up a list,” she said.  “But you can remember a Confederate song you learned in the 5^th grade?”

                “I know, right?”

                I put my hand to my chest again.

                “She taught us a couple of Union songs too,” I said.

                I started singing again.

                “So now I’m with the invalids and cannot go and fight sir!

                The doctor told me so you know, of course he must be right sir!”

                “What’s that?” asked The Lady of the House.

                “’The Invalid Corps,’” I said.  “It’s a song about dudes going to be examined before going into the Union Army and they’re in bad condition so they get sent over to the Invalid Corps.

                I went on singing.

                “Some had the ticerdolerreou, some what they called ‘brown critters,’

                Some were lank and lazy too, and some too fond of bitters.”

                “Tick-a-lala-what?” asked The Lady of the House.

                “Some name for some condition back in the day,” I said.  “Maybe for bad gas…but I reckon they would’ve called that ‘malodorous flatulence.’”

                “So for a couple of days back in the 5^th grade the traveling music teacher…”

                “The TRAVELING music teacher?” interrupted The Lady of the House.

                “Yeah,” I said, “she went from school to school teaching her lessons…”

                “So,” said The Lady of the House, “Not ONLY did you go to a school system that taught children songs of the Confederacy but they were too cheap to post a regular music teacher to each school.”

                “Anyway she would come in with her 30 pound record player, set it up, break out her records and the singing would begin.  It turns out my dad had the same records at home.”

                “Of course he did,” said The Lady of the House.

                “There was a big 33 rpm record in a big gray book titled ‘The Confederacy’ and another in a big blue book titled ‘The Union.’  I needed some cash one time so I sold them to a radio station engineer who looked like Colonel Sanders named Gus.”

                “Of course you did,” said The Lady of the House.

                “He was glad to have ‘em, thought they were quite the find.”

                “Of course he did,” said The Lady of the House.  “He looked like Colonel Sanders.”

                “I think in a previous life I might’ve been in The War Between the States,” I said.

                “Yes dear,” said The Lady of the House, turning back to the sink, “My dishwater’s getting cold.”

                                                                                -30-