TALES FROM THE EDGE OF THE EARTH: FOUND NOTES AND SUCH

Actual factual grocery list I found in the parking lot of a supermarket.

By Grant McGee

“Hi Boo!  Wot u been?  2 me nuthin.  Just chillin –n- thinking bout u so bored.  Miss u yo bad azz is green.  Did u tell Cheldra sumthin bout Keyshawn –n- dnt let Nekeyla read our notes cuz all she do is tell everybody wat we be talkin bout 4 it take u so long 2 write me bac c if u can cum 2 mi hous dis weekend well mi gum hav no mo flavor so bye talk later kisses BYE BOO”

So read part of the note I found on the ground while I was out for my walk with my dogs.

There was something going on in this note but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  Probably a little "he'n and she'n," as my boss euphemistically called The Sex, was in the air.

I like found notes.

To me, they’re a real indicator of the human condition.

I mean it’s not like reading a diary or anything.  I don’t know who wrote it and if they chucked the note to begin with what can it hurt?

I used to save such notes, I was going to write something extensive about them, but didn’t.

I remember them though.

There was the one I found in the street in Phoenix complete with a drawing of a scowling sun and a spike-collared pit bull on a chain.  Someone had written “The cop and the gangbanger,” a bit of writing devoid of punctuation that detailed a gangbanger making friends with a policeman and how the gangbanger didn’t know how to feel when the policeman shot and killed the gangbanger’s friend.

There was the grocery list written by the person who had apparently been in school the day they taught the lesson on apostrophes but may have been daydreaming when they got to the part on usage.  On the list were things like:  “Tomatoe’s, tortilla’s, hamburger bun’s,” etcetera.

One gem I found while perusing the pages of an old book at the Salvation Army Thrift Store.  A guy had written a note to his significant other explaining his need to pleasure himself because “I’m not getting enough loving from you.”  By the way the note was written apparently his significant other had walked in on him whilst he was having a “hand party.”

I’ll always pick up a note off the ground just to see what people are up to.

That is, unless, it’s covered with some weird schmutz.

                                                                                -30-