APPALACHIAN TALES: THAT PRISON JOB I WANTED

                By Grant McGee

                In the past six months I’ve applied for a lot of jobs of various kinds:  Billing clerk for county emergency medical services, body removal dude for a funeral home, medical equipment delivery guy…it’s stuff I thought I’d have no problem doing.

                It isn’t the first time I’ve put myself out there in the job market being ready, willing and able to do what I needed to do to make a buck.

                Then a memory came back to me that made me laugh out loud to myself.  Just a note:  You shouldn’t get caught laughing out loud to yourself too often…folks might think you’re drunk or a little “tetched” in the head.

                I had a brief career as a corrections officer.  Well okay, it wasn’t a career, it was a job interview.

                Long ago and far away I was looking for a job near my home town.  I discovered the state was looking for someone to be a corrections lieutenant at a prison near the old home place.

                “Well there you go,” I told a pal.  “That’s the job for me, basically middle management, right?”

                I was given a sideways glance.  “Do you have corrections experience?” he asked.

                “No, but what is a lieutenant but middle management, right?”

                The answer was another sideways glance.

                In a matter of days I was off to the friendly, neighborhood prison for my job interview.  There I sat in my coat and tie surrounded by dudes with badges and uniforms.

                “I’m looking over your resume’,” said the head guy.  “You’re a disc jockey.”

                “I’ve managed a radio station, sold advertising in bowling alleys too.  And I was an insurance agent for six months,” I said, tapping his copy of my resume’.

                “Oh yes, that,” he said looking over his glasses.  “But you have no corrections experience.”

                “No sir.  But I’ve had management experience.  I mean what is a lieutenant anyway but middle management, right?”  I leaned back in my chair and gave a toothy grin.

                I was given a sideways glance.

                Needless to say “Corrections Facility Lieutenant” is not on my list of “Great Jobs I Have Had.”

                But I do know to give a tip of the hat and a salute to those who are in that line of work.

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