Saturday, April 29, 2017

TALES FROM THE EDGE OF THE EARTH: STORIES FROM THE CONCERT LIST



by Grant McGee

It's one of those things that showed up on The Facebook that, at first, I didn't want to do.
It was one of those "participate in this" thingys:  "Listed below are 10 acts.  9 I've seen, one I haven't.  Guess which one."
Finally when a couple of pals posted their "9 I seen, 1 I ain't" list I decided to post mine.
But once I got started the memories just started rushing back.  One memory would trigger another reminiscence.
I posted a list of 19 acts I'd seen, 1 I hadn't.
The Canadian accused me of being a showoff.
The Car Salesman guessed the band I hadn't seen on the list of 20.  I had listed The Rolling Stones.  I never saw them, they were always playing stadiums and stadium concerts weren't my cup of tea.  He said he figured it out through "hillbilly logic."
But the memories kept flooding out of the recesses of my mushy hard drive (my brain).
I jotted down act names I remembered on scraps of paper while I was in traffic, a song would suddenly pop a concert back in my head.
Then I posted a new list on to The Facebook:

Listed below are FORTY-FIVE acts I've seen live, EXCEPT one which I didn't. Can you guess which one?
1) Stephen Stills
2) Leon Russell
3) Yes
4) The Allman Brothers Band
5) Dire Straits
6) Little Feat
7) Pure Prairie League
8) The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
9) Willie Nelson
10) Heart
11) Eddie Money
12) The Doobie Brothers
13) Jimmy Buffett
14) Chicago
15) Jim Croce
16) Seals & Crofts
17) Loggins & Messina
18) The Eagles
19) England Dan & John Ford Coley
20) The Marshall Tucker Band
21) Conway Twitty
22) Randy Travis
23) Wet Willie
24) John Martyn
25) Gordon Lightfoot
26) Boston
27) The Band
28) Dwight Yoakam
29) Heartsfield
30) The Bellamy Brothers
31) Waylon Jennings
32) Merle Haggard
33) Michael Martin Murphey
34) Los Lobos
35) Marty Stuart
36) The Edgar Winter Group
37) Rick Derringer
38) Lester Flatt
39) Bill Monroe
40) John Hartford
41) Iris Dement
42) Peter Rowan
43) Mark Chesnutt
44) Chris Hillman
45) Grand Funk Railroad
46) Steve Young

And the memories with those concerts came back.

1) Stephen Stills
This was the first concert I ever went to.  Early 1973.  Tickets were 3 bucks.  Stephen Stills of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fame had put together a band Manassas that had some good tunes.  Funny, one of the things I remember is they had rolled out a big rug on the stage that the band was playing on.  Maybe it was a lucky rug or something.  Come to think of it I saw Stills again in 1976 when I tried to get an interview with him for the college paper.  I was having dinner with my date, I spied Stills, went over, asked him for an interview later and he gave me this look that would kill.  His manager stepped in and said come see him backstage after the concert.  It turned out that I had not only blown that because they took off right after the concert but I blew it for my newspaper editor too.  He actually had an interview set up with Stills and me interrupting Stills' dinner had blown the whole deal.
I guess I had karmic payback though.  His warm-up act was Flo & Eddie, two dudes who had spearheaded the pop group The Turtles back in the 60's.  But these two took to the stage acting like two fourth-graders who had just discovered bad words.  They were rude, obscene and they seemed to be totally out of place at a Stephen Stills concert.
Halfway through their act my date excused herself to go to the restroom.
She never returned.
I didn't understand.
I wondered why she could'nt've just told me she was offended or whatever.
2) Leon Russell
Leon kicked ass in "The Concert for Bangladesh" playing "Jumping Jack Flash."  He came to my home town of Roanoke, Virginia in support of a triple live album he released in 1973.  It was like a road revue like he did with Mad Dogs and Englishmen with Joe Cocker.  Even had a little gospel concert going on.  One feature was while he was doing one of his songs a member of the band came out on stage dressed in an Uncle Sam outfit, twirling a cane and tap dancing.  Come to think of it that was the first time I saw the band "New Grass Revival," they were the opening act.
3) Yes
This was early 1974 and the band had just released "Tales from Topographic Oceans."  What I remember about this concert was somehow it seemed like the sound ricocheted all around the colesium.  That's about all I remember because I had taken Dead Lisa as my date, except she wasn't dead then.  I spent a lot of time at the concert wondering if I was going to get to "make out" with her afterwards.
4) The Allman Brothers Band
Sorry guys, but I have to say this was the second worst concert I ever went to.  I hung around until they played "Jessica" and I got to hear the Dickey Betts guitar solo then I took off.  The concert was like "Hey we're stoned and we're gonna just jam up here.  You audience people do your own thing."
5) Dire Straits
Never seen Dire Straits.  Would've liked to.  Mark Knopfler kicks ass.
6) Little Feat
One of my fave bands.  Saw them twice:  Once in 1988 at Virginia Tech and a second time at the Santa Fe Raceway in 1991 where they were the opening act for the Allman Brothers.  Little Feat finished their set, the Allman Brothers took to the stage, I left as a giant cloud of cannabis smoke suddenly lifted above the audience.
7) Pure Prairie League
The band of the moment.  Their album they recorded in 1972 suddenly exploded in the spring of 1975 with the re-release of the single "Amie."
8) The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Saw these guys twice.  Or was it three times.  Always remember how banjo virtuoso John McEuen handled a heckler, having great fun at the heckler's expense.  Quite difference as to how Stephen Stills handled a heckler yelling back at the dude, "If you're so f*cking smart why don't YOU come down here and do the f*ckin' concert."
9) Willie Nelson
Maricopa County Fairgrounds 1993.  I was on the second row.  The lady in front of me looked familiar, couldn't place her.  Then during the concert Willie says, "I'd like to say hello to my good friend, former governor Rose Mofford."  Ah!  That's who that was.
10) Heart
Saw them twice.  Just loved to watch Ann Wilson sing and sister Nancy kick ass on guitar.
11) Eddie Money
It was Eddie Money.  Yup.
12) The Doobie Brothers
These guys were my favorite live act.  How many times did I see them in concert, four?  Five?  Once they blew it when lead singer Tom Johnston left the band for a bit and was replaced by Michael McDonald and he took the lead on Doobs hits that Johnston sang, it just wasn't the same.  At the end of the concert it seems we were all looking at each other going, who the hell was that and didn't he suck.
13) Jimmy Buffett
Warm up act for an Eagles concert.  It was Jimmy Buffett.  The best part was his harmonica player Fingers Taylor doing a jammin' little tune "Dixie Diner."
14) Chicago
Worst concert I ever went to.  It was like, "Glad you all paid cash money to come to our jam session but we don't give a shit you're here."  No hits, all band jam stuff.  Me and Dead Lisa (except she wasn't dead then...I wonder what she would've said if I'd said, "Sorry to tell you but you're going to pass away in 36 years.")  
Anyway, we drove up to the lake outside Roanoke and pulled up off the road where we sat in the dark talking.  That's it, no hanky-panky, just talking.
I was hoping I'd get to "make-out" with her.
Then I heard footsteps in the woods, Dead Lisa did too.  
She said, "What's that?"  
"Those aren't deer," I said.
And just as I started the car...
BLINK
Flashlights on either side of us.
"Roanoke police," said a voice.  "What are y'all doing up here?"
"Talking," I said.
"Talking?" said the voice.
"Talking," I said.
Long pause.
"The lake is closed after sunset," said the voice.  "Y'all get on out of here."
I think they were disappointed.
But Dead Lisa and I weren't the only ones who left the concert.  My buddy Dax and Sailor Boy (we called him that because he had signed up for the Navy) were on a double date with The Cheerleader and her sister.
Along with a bottle of grain alcohol and some Strawberry Hill wine I had purchased for them with my fake ID.
The girls ended up getting sick.
Sick to the extreme.
So Dax and Sailor Boy rushed them over to the home of Mr. B our high school English teacher.
He got them back to normalcy.
I think about that now and realize if such a thing had happened today that it would've been trouble for Mr. B, Dax, Sailor Boy and me.  It would've been something that would've had the whole town abuzz and everyone up on charges of being a threat to national security or some overdramatic shit like that.
15) Jim Croce
Hampton, Virginia, August 1973.  On a double date with my pal Chuck Biscuits and his girlfriend.  They set me up with a girl who started kissing on me as we drove away after the concert.  
I didn't understand. 
Then a month later Jim Croce was dead in a plane crash.
16) Seals & Crofts
It was Seals & Crofts.
17) Loggins & Messina
Saw them twice.
Dug them each time.
Full of energy and fun.
18) The Eagles
Saw them twice in the same year:  1977.
The first time in Richmond, Virginia.  The second time in Roanoke, Virginia.
The second time I started a standing ovation after my anthem-of-the-day "Take it to the Limit."
I was drunk.
I wished I had taken my groovy cassette recorder into that concert.  Midway through it the guys started jamming on a tune, I mean it was Joe Walsh, Don Felder and Glenn Frey tradin' licks on a powerful jam that SUDDENLY broke into "Witchy Woman."  It kicked ass.
Now two years earlier when I took Dead Nancy to the prom (she wasn't dead then) the prom was held in a function room at the Roanoke Civic Center while in the colesium upstairs The Eagles were in concert.
Someone had started rumor that the guys were going to come down and replace the band that was playing once their concert was over.
Yeah...
THAT didn't happen.
19) England Dan & John Ford Coley
It was England Dan & John Ford Coley.
20) The Marshall Tucker Band
One of my favorite bands to pay cash money to go see.
For their January 1977 concert I snuck a cassette recorder into the colesium and caught them on tape.  I never wanted to make any money off of it or anything, just wanted it for my own collection.  Caught a jam on there of them doing "Will The Circle Be Unbroken."  Mighty fine.
21) Conway Twitty
Like the country music people say, "The best friend a song ever had."
He opened his show with his deep, resonant "Hello darlin'...."
22) Randy Travis
It was Randy Travis. 
23) Wet Willie
Funky, Southern, full of energy and fun.  Opened for Grand Funk.  Opened for Marshall Tucker.
One of those times I was right up front.
24) John Martyn
Guitar virtuoso, good stuff.
25) Gordon Lightfoot
It's good to see a legend.
26) Boston
February 1977, College of William and Mary.  They were just as tight and good live as they were on their big selling LP of the day.
27) The Band
I drove all the way to Charlottesville, Virginia spring 1976 for this concert, not for them, but to see their opening act, Chris Hillman.
28) Dwight Yoakam
Amarillo, Texas...spring 1993.  I got to go backstage and shoot the breeze with him before his concert.
It was a great moment in time and bummerly all I could think to say was how cool it was that he put The Indigo Girls on his newest CD.
29) Heartsfield
Opening act for the one Doobie Brothers concert that sucked.  These dudes were from the Midwest.  Best described as a "merrie" band of melodic hippies full of kick ass energy.
I went out the next day and bought all three of their albums.
30) The Bellamy Brothers
This was the in-between time for them...from when they had the big hit with "Let Your Love Flow" on the Top 40 pop charts and were morphing into a mainstream country act.  They came to hillbilly-land to play a local gym. 
The receptionist at the radio station where I worked was quite smitten by the boys.
31) Waylon Jennings
Salem, Virginia 1977...Amarillo, Texas 2000.  It was Waylon.  Waylon kicked ass.
32) Merle Haggard
Roswell, New Mexico 2003.  I was glad to go.
33) Michael Martin Murphey
Roswell, New Mexico 1991.  I fell asleep.  Though I have to say when I interviewed him the year before when he was going to be at the New Mexico State Fair it was a fun interview, like talking to an old party pal from college.
34) Los Lobos
Phoenix, Arizona 1993.  Good stuff.  I dug it when they broke into one of my all-time favorite songs "One Time One Night."
35) Marty Stuart
Salem, Virginia 1974...Amarillo, Texas June 2000.  Marty knows his shit.
36) The Edgar Winter Group
This was the last concert I took Dead Lisa to.  I think she thought I had a one-track mind.  What can I say.  I was 16 and a boy.  I had hormones, you know.
37) Rick Derringer
Opening act for The Edgar Winter Group.
38) Lester Flatt
Bluegrass legend appearing on a double bill with...
39) Bill Monroe
...THE Bluegrass legend.
40) John Hartford
One of my fave country-folk acts.
I even got to introduce him on stage one time.
I saw him 2 or 3 times in my time.
41) Iris Dement
The folksy country singer from the Heartland.
She took to the stage in Scottsdale, Arizona 1994.
Have you been to Scottsdale?
It's expensive to live there.
She looks out at the audience.
"I went window shopping around here before the concert tonight," she said.  She paused.  "Bet y'all don't have a Wal-Mart around here."
42) Peter Rowan
Legendary Bluegrass musician and all-around performer.
43) Mark Chesnutt
Mainstream Country singer who gave a great, tight concert in a high school auditorium in Sierra Vista, Arizona 1995.
44) Chris Hillman
Original member of the Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers, Stephen Stills Manassas and years after this 1976 concert I went to... The Desert Rose Band.
45) Grand Funk Railroad
After The Doobs, The Eagles, Little Feat, Marshall Tucker Band my 5th fave band to see in concert.
46) Steve Young
My all-time favorite musician.  Southern singer songwriter.  The man who gave the world "Seven Bridges Road."
I couldn't believe my good fortune when he came to Amarillo for a small coffehouse concert in 1993.
I was really amazed when he showed up in Tucson in 1994 with Katy Moffatt.
Oh, hey.  I forgot to put Katy Moffatt on the list.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

TALES OF THE SOUTHWEST: A VISIT FROM A GUY FROM THE FBI



by Grant McGee

There’s a story out of El Paso about some dude who was standing outside the FBI office there with his camera.  Some FBI agents came out in their suits and ties, confronted him and took away his camera.
I reckon he never heard the old saying if you don’t want the bear to attack you don’t poke it with a stick. 
Actually that’s not an old saying, I just made it up.  But you’d figure people would have some common sense about such stuff.
This incident reminded me of the time I came face-to-face with a real, live FBI agent.
I was kicking back one sunny afternoon at my bicycle shop when a customer came in.  He seemed like an average Joe, dressed like an average Joe, just browsing around.
“Where are you from?” I asked.  I like to shoot the breeze with folks about where they’re from.  It lets my brain get away for a bit.  Besides, I might’ve been where they’ve been and there’s a conversation starter for you right there.
“Roswell,” said Mr. Customer.
“Oh hey,” I said, “I used to live in Roswell.  What do you do down there?”
“I work for the federal government.”
Federal government?  Roswell?  The first thing that popped in my mind, to me the biggest Federal presence that I knew of was the Bureau of Land Management.
“So you work for the Bureau of Land Management?” I asked.
“No,” said the customer.  “The FBI.”
A strange tingly sensation rolled over me.  The theme from the 1960’s TV show “The FBI” played in my head.  Visions of Efrem Zimbalist Junior, the star of the show, appeared in my head, kicking ass and taking names for AMERICA!
“So you guys are like lawyers with guns who have super psychoanalytical mind-reading powers, right?” I smiled.  I opened a drawer on my desk.  “Dang, no aluminum foil in here so I can make a hat to keep you from reading my mind.”
Mr. FBI smiled.
“So seriously,” I went on.  “Are all you guys law school dudes?  Highly skilled in argumentation and debate and stuff like that?”
“No,” he said, “My degree is in Electrical Engineering.”
 “Can I see your badge?” I asked.  “I’ve only seen them on TV, like on that FBI TV show with Efrem Zimbalist Jr. or Mulder and Scully’s badges on ‘The X-Files.’”
Mr. FBI fished around in his pocket and produced his badge.  It was a coppery thing about the size of an old-fashioned silver dollar.  It wasn’t in a little wallet thingy with his picture ID like Mulder and Scully flashed when they were investigating an X-file.  I silently wondered to myself if this dude was for real.  But I only silently wondered.  There wasn’t any way I was going to challenge him on if he was a real FBI agent.
“Cool,” I said.  “But doesn’t that come in a wallet thingy with your picture ID?”
“On television,” he said.
“So you ride a bike?” I asked.  “So you’re like…a normal guy with an engineering degree who works for Uncle Sam.”
Mr. FBI gave me a sideways glance.  He smiled again.
He bought some inner tubes and stuff and was on his way.
When I told my friend Texas Michelle I had a customer who was an FBI agent she looked at me sideways.
“He was just shopping,” I said.
“Oh SURE he was ‘just shopping,’” said Texas Michelle.
“Yeah,” I said.  “But you know, I did write that article that one time about the dude who came into my bike shop and was talking how Obama went to a ‘secret school’ run by the CIA in Hawai’I and I called “Bullsh*t” because my brother went to the same school years earlier.  Maybe they saw me writing about that as a problem.”
“Unh-hunh,” said Texas Michelle. “You know it doesn’t take much to get those people’s attention.  There was that time that we were driving back from Oklahoma and we slowed down to look at an 18-wheeler with some “We-guard-the-President” kinda cars as an escort…we were curious…and one of them leaves the convoy and gets right up on our bumper and follows us real close for a couple of minutes then left us alone.”
“Nah,” I said.  “He was just shopping.”
“Unh-hunh,” said Texas Michelle.
“Maybe he was checking me out over that article I wrote and decided I wasn’t a threat to national security.”
Texas Michelle burst out laughing.
“Nah,” I said.  “He was just shopping.”
At least I think he was just shopping.
I’m pretty sure.
I reckon he was.

                                                                                -30-

Sunday, April 9, 2017

TALES OF THE SOUTHWEST: STUFF YOU CAN SPEND YOUR MONEY ON IN SANTA FE

The Plaza, downtown Santa Fe, New Mexico



By Grant McGee

It was what I called a “lightning trip” to Santa Fe.
I was living in Phoenix and knew a guy named Tom.  He had to make a run to Santa Fe to take a test for his New Mexico licensure which validated his Arizona teaching stuff or something like that.  All I knew is he was going to make the run from Phoenix to Santa Fe, take a test, then rocket back to Phoenix and he was looking for someone to ride along so it wouldn’t be so boring.
About 500 miles, about 8 hours each way.
“Sure, I’ll go,” I said.
I reckon I could write about the one-day adventure:  Hitting the interstate at 4am, rolling into Santa Fe around lunchtime, Tom taking his test then rocketing back to Phoenix by midnight.
I picked up a Santa Fe paper while I was in “The City Different” as they call it.  I amused myself with the articles…here was one about women awakening their inner she-wolf written by a woman who had had a mastectomy and covered the scar with a vine tattoo…here was another article about raising babies without diapers.  That if you just got in tune with your baby you would realize when they needed to “go” and the poop could go in a toilet and not sully the environment with another used disposable diaper.
But it was the ads that I found most interesting of all.
Ads for mostly “services” that people with copious amounts of money could spend their money on.
Aromatherapy.  Shiatsu I & II.  Santa Fe School of Healing.  COME TO THE SPRING PSYCHIC FAIR!  Know your “court card personalities” and how they affect your life…$25 registration fee, limited to 25 participants, session begins with a catered vegan buffet.
I wrote them down…
The School of Natural Healing…this city sure has a lot of “academies.”
Transformational Healing Therapy.  Kinesiology (workshops available).  Creative Core Energetics.  RHYTHM ART!  DRUMS AND GONGS!  COST $395 W/O ROOM AND BOARD.  GRADUATE AS A NATURAL THERAPEUTIC SPECIALIST.
Colon Therapy.  It would be years later that a dude at a party in Bisbee, Arizona would remark to me on how “high” he felt after having his colon cleansed, and how fascinating it was to observe his colon contents on display for him in an aquarium after the procedure.
“Excuse me,” I said.  “Someone is calling my name over here.”
More from the Santa Fe paper…BUY FRESH GOTU KOLA, FOR SALE IN MY SHOP, THIS IS THE KOLA FOR THE AQUARIAN AGE.  The Gurdjieff Movements, $485 tuition includes lunches, end of seminar traditional feast.  There was a picture of Mr. Gurdjieff from long ago, he wore a pointy hat.
And then there was a thank-you note in the paper…
“Thanks to all who made this possible for me, your income donated to me allowed me three days naked in the rain forest to help give me perspective to my life.  When I left they gave me vibhuti (holy ash) from Satya Sai Baba…I plan to spend the next 6 to 8 months in India visiting ashrams, trekking in Nepal and continuing my spiritual journey wherever that may lead.”
I tried to imagine me asking people for donations so I could wander the earth on my spiritual journey.  I couldn’t see this happening.
More commentary, more ads…
“To my surprise the native Maori are a warrior people!  I didn’t fee much attraction to them.”  “The author having her millet paste make-up done during the winter solstice festival.”
CREATE THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS NOW!  Explore the essence of spirituality.  I AM AN EMPATH, $75 AN HOUR.  “She is a best-selling Native American writer of eastern tribe and European descent whose training began with Native Elders in Mexico where she journeyed into non-physical worlds.”
I can’t make this shit up.
Psychospiritual Healing!
Spritual Healing!
Psychic Surgery!
Practical application of gemstones and crystals for personal and planetary healing.  Ear Coning.  Vibrational healing.  Earn your apprenticeship in Color Puncture Catalyst for Transformation.  European medium available in Santa Fe.
Craniosacral therapy.
Then I put the paper down.
I closed my eyes, rubbed my eyelids and laughed.
“What,” asked Tom.
“All the bullshit you can spend your extra money on in Santa Fe,” I said with a smile.
“Who has extra money?”
“Ohh, you know,” I said.  “Trustafarians…”
“What’s that,” he asked.
“You know, people who live off trust funds.  They’re out there.  Trustafarians and people with lots of money in general and  people with extra money who need to fill a hole in their soul.”
“Who the hell has extra money like that?”
“Zackly,” I said.  “They basically just need to get out, grow up, live and be free.  But hell, if the people who spend money on this stuff stopped then I reckon the whole town of Santa Fe would blow away.”
“Naw,” said Tom.  “All the New Yorkers and Californians would leave and it would go back to being a New Mexican town.”
We both laughed.

                                                                                -30-